Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
