the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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