Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
