if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
