I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
