You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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