OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
