1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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