pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
