cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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