It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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