I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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