Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who