if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
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She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss