I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want her autograph on my taint
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
