Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's never too late to be topless.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES