I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
