if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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