im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
