I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
did i just pee glitter
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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