in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
