TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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