thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
