Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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