My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How does one acquire holy water?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
