I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
