"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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