We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
