I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
