I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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