How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
