Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
