There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
