What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
