I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
