If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
