Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
