Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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