Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
