If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
