Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
