i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
