he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
