Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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