2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
