last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
