direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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