you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
