I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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