i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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