If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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