honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I want is dick and wine.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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