So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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