Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
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This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
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I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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