take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
