I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
