My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
