i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
