It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
