I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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