I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
