I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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