you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
my poor anus
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
