how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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