today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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