Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
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I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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