he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
