Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
