How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
