she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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