Can i not drive my cunt home
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
