It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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