i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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