Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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