i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
