I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There's always time for handjobs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
